Rosanne Dingli

Rosanne Dingli

Thursday, June 20, 2013

The Writers' Mayo

What has mayonnaise got to do with the price of fish? They go well together, mayo and fish, I hear you exclaim.

Yes, well - apart from that, there are huge health benefits to be had from what I call the writers' mayo. And author Dan Mader at Unemployed Imagination, reminded me of my remarkable discovery this morning.

He spoke about writers' eyes, and how they suffer from day after night after day of looking at a screen. We peer at words, words, words - editing and composing. Some even do their own typesetting and formatting. That scrolling is cruel to the eyes. You're nodding. You're with me. You're peering at my words wanting to be able to read on for longer each day. You want that headache over one eyebrow to melt away.

Eat more carrots!
Well - eat more carrots. Raw carrots. Lots. Every day. Grate a mound of carrot into a bowl. Add some finely shredded cabbage of all colours. Yeah, go ahead - grate a zucchini too. Finely dice a red capsicum if you want. Brightly coloured vegetables, in their raw state, is what you are after.

Now what?

Now drench the lot with a huge amount of mayo and combine. But not just any mayo, dear writer. You must make it yourself. "But I want to get back to writing!" you shout in dismay. Wait - remember the eyes? This is for your eyes. You will write longer.

You must make your own mayo because it's the only way you can guarantee it contains no sugar, of any sort. Of any kind. Of any variety. No fructose, no glucose, no lactose, no corn syrup, no granulated anything that ends in OSE. Yeah - no sugarOSE, either! No honey.

Here's my famous Writers' Mayo recipe you are going to thank me for, on bended knees.

In a clean and sparkling 800 gm glass jar (that's 25 - 30 oz), that has a nicely-fitting lid, put a teaspoon of made mustard, a raw egg, half a teaspoon of salt, a good splash of white vinegar, a couple of teaspoons of real lemon juice, and a spoon of ground garlic (optional).

With me so far?

Good. Now grab your magic wand. (Some people call it a stick mixer, others call it a wand blender. Whatever you call it, it looks like mine on the left here. Its head fits through the mouth of the jar, see?

Whizz the stuff in the jar until it's light yellow and frothy - under a minute. Now start to add the oil. Any kind of oil is okay ... canola, soybean, vegetable, sunflower. (Corn oil and olive oil give you a heavier texture and stronger taste.)

Keep whizzing - did I say you could stop whizzing?! Whizz.

Add oil and whizz until the mixture starts to thicken - about a minute. The more oil you add, the thicker your mayo. Stop whizzing when you have the thickness you want. It'll never be more than the jar will hold if you use the right amount of vinegar and lemon juice. (If you want really white mayo, add a spoon of very hot water for the last few whizzes.)

Shake your blender so it all falls in the jar. Rinse under tap. Wash it later. You want to taste that mayo. Mmmm.

Put the lid on, and refrigerate until you have grated your vegetables.

You will notice an improvement in eyesight and health in about a fortnight.

To gain the most benefit, NEVER eat this with bread or anything made out of grains. I know you'll be tempted but that'll make you gain weight. This is Writers' Mayo - for coleslaw, okay? Oh, well ... okay then. You can put it on steamed vegetables. On salad. But do not put it on anything that contains processed grains or starches. No... not even potato salad. Uh-uh.

Let me know how you go.

What? None left to store in the fridge? Thought so. Start again.

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  1. Sounds delicious, and if only I could eat eggs I'd make some of your mayo.

    But I do love carrots and brightly coloured veggies, and I do stay away from grains and sugars. People eat so much wheat/maize/sugary stuff. I find my brain so much clearer without them and then I write better.

    And oh, yes, Rosanne, as a writer you do need to cherish your eyes. Unfortunately, as you get older, you can't absorb as much goodness from what you eat, however healthy it is. So as well as eating plenty of carrots,I take l-carnosine daily. It's brilliant, has slowed down the march of cataracts for me.

  2. Well this is just PERFECT! I'm making my famous chicken salad tonight and will blend with this, along with the grated carrots!

  3. Ha! Love it. (And I do love I'm hungry). Thanks for looking out for my eyes. ;)

  4. Hey, where'd my earlier comment/question go??? OK, I'll go at it again. I love this idea but I cannot eat cabbage as it is inflammatory for me, according to my nutritionist.

    But my question is - is the prohibition against starches just because of food combining, meaning I can eat them later, or do you mean never, ever, at all? I know you avoid grains completely, but I only avoid certain ones.

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  6. Yvonne, Dan, Cheryl - thanks for swinging by. I rarely eat processed carbs of any kind. No bread, pasta, cakes or pie crusts. I do not eat any kind of flour or grains ... perhaps half a cup of rice a MONTH. One pear a month. It's the only fruit I eat. I get my vitamin C from raw vegetables which are rarely inflammatory if you do not eat processed wheat or sugar. I do not eat sugars of any kind (not even honey)or lactose because I put a dash of soy milk into my daily coffee. What DO I eat? Plenty (plenty) of fish and meats of all kinds, dozens of eggs, some hard cheese (it contains carbs and a bit of lactose)a tiny bit of Greek yogurt (about a cup a week) and a mountain of vegetables of all kinds, even frozen and canned (as long as their processing does not contain sugar). Yes, I read labels. That's about it. I like tuna, oil and all - I like all oils except corn oil and palm oil. I do not like trans fats so I eat lots of butter - I use slices of raw zucchini or grilled eggplant instead of bread. I'm rarely hungry. I've given up nuts because like milk, they are the only natural food that contains fat and carbs together. Nothing else does. Coleslaw is my great staple - I eat it with everything. Desserts? Hmmm - only if I have to, because of the sugar. I make a great lemon cheesecake sweetened artificially, with a thin ground almond and coconut base. And diet jellies (jello)every so often. The only thing I miss is plums - I do eat them when in season locally. One every second or third day or so.

  7. Anna - you are absolutely right. The head clears after giving up carbs. My memory has improved out of sight.